She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
