Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
