i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
