Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
