And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
