I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
