I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
