a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
