she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
