I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
