Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just want to make out with him forever
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
