You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Bring me that man meat
Damn victory sex feels great
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
