8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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