party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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