we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
