so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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