i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
