This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
