I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
