I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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