Already got asked if we're dating
I think I won the penis lottery.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
