this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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