There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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