Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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