yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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