You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
