she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
