After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
