Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
