Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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