then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
