He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
