Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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