the room spins SO much faster in panama
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
