Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
