Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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