Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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