Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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