Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
