so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
