Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
