wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
