So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
