everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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