Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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