I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
