Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
