I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
