the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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