She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
