he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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