I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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