On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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