Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
